Hey Darlin’, thanks for being with me today, I could feel you there even though you were thousands of miles away. Doing all that and talking afterwards set me to thinking about a lot of things. Injuries mostly.
Sometimes people pick up damage in their lives. I, for instance, have a shoddy knee which is unlikely to ever get better unless it’s replaced. But that just goes to show how resilient a human body can be – it can be fixed, just needs a little help every now and then.
The mind’s like this too. Over the years I’ve picked up my fair share of knocks (and sometimes a share which wasn’t at all fair). But good old resilience kicks in.
Back when the pub was a dead end, a metaphor for a lot of dead ends, the damage was a little too much. So, the mind acted in the same way as a damage receptor: it tried to switch off the pain. We’re wired to do this, but it’s not illness. It’s a reaction, preservation.
Because my damage went well beyond that time at the pub, a lot more receptors were taken off line. Which is were the fun starts.
The same as with a bust knee, the human form brings things back on line bit by bit, system testing. Switching them back off again if you aren’t ready or the input still isn’t right. That’s what my mind has been doing: switching back on, system testing. Some bits still hurt so, as soon as the boot up realised this, they got shut down again until they were fixed.
Nothing that has ever happened to me has made me ill, only ever injured. Bruised. And it’s come to the point where only a few lingering bruises remain.
I’m not mad, never have been. Life was mad and it battered me. But like any injury, it can be fixed, even if it means pulling out the offending article and replacing it wholesale. I defy anyone to go through my little journey and be breakdancing straight away.
Point being, I’m all fixed up now. Everything put back exactly how it needs putting back. Sure, there are worries about day to days that I have, but these are actually normal worries now, rather than the wilds of before. And yes, sometimes people will say nasty shit and it will hurt my feelings, but it’s no reflection on me, just on them.
I was up at the front of the pack again today, doing something which once hurt me very dearly. And you know what? That injury is healed along with the rest of them.
I met you bruised, and you’ve watched me healing. You’ve given me time to.
Standing here in Mexico, under the light of a Samhain thunderstorm, I know I’m not only free of bruises, but I’m stronger than I ever was. That’s scar tissue for you.
And I guess, sometimes, you just need to look around and shrug other people off. They do inexplicable things all the time.
I love you. Exactly as you are, and exactly as I am too.